As if marriage is not hard enough to deal with, you are faced with a new challenge, coping with your spouses’ depression. When depression sets in the marriage, it takes everything down with it. Sexual intimacy, emotional binding and closeness disappear. You are weighed down with all the responsibilities- the household chores, the bills, the kids, and your work.
Your spouse is too tired and too lethargic to help you out. He is too tired to get out of bed. He resents everything. On the other hand, you are flooded by guilt and anger. You feel angry because your partner won’t just snap out of it and you feel guilty for being angry at him.
Guilty thinking that you may be the cause of his depression. You also feel frustrated because you can’t tell anyone outside your marriage about the depression of your partner. In the meantime, your depressed partner believes his turmoil will pass. Justifying his sadness, emptiness and lethargy is due to new life adjustments, pressure at work or even blame the healthy partner.
Depression is not something to be ashamed of; it is a serious disease like hypertension, diabetes or arthritis. Like any other diseases, it can be genetics and you can’t just recover from it overnight. There are so many factors that can trigger being depresses: tremendous change or loss in your life, acute and long-drawn-out stress, financial problems, long term use of prescription drugs.
Depression is a shift of brain chemistry that affects thought process, sleeping and eating pattern, it alters mood and energy level. For women, if not monitored carefully, post nuptial and/ or post partum depression can overwhelm her. It is important to be aware of the little clues and hints of changes in your spouse related to depression.
Depressions have different manifestations in man and women. Men become more agitated than lethargic. Men tend to work longer in the office than usual. They may result in drug and alcohol abuse. Be wary of changes in your partner’s sudden change of energy, mood, personality and activity. The well spouse should take the initiative in diagnosing the depressed partner.
The depression itself will make the unwell person form recognizing the disease preventing him to get treatment. The diagnosed person should be treated as early as possible. Long-term depression is harder to treat and has a possibility of recurring. And it can lead to suicide and complicate into mood disorders.
If you suspect that your spouse is depressed, break the ice gently and with care. Telling him it’s not too late and he deserves to be well and assuring him you are going to be with him all the way, might help the partner seek treatment. Going to the doctor together in getting the diagnosis can aid a lot.
Your partner may be too down in the dumps to even talk or answer right. It’s better to be with him at all times unless he tells you to give him privacy with the doctor. Comforting your partner his illness is very much treatable can give him the hope he needs.
Since depression affects both of you as a family, it is wise to get a mental therapist or counselor for couples. Also, never stop learning, reading and knowing about the disease. This can ease up your coping mechanism. In long term depression, relapse is likely to occur, you should ask your doctor about proper medication and maintenance.
It is essential that both of you should rally out to fight depression. Consider it as a trespasser in your marriage that has to be fought together. Seeing it as a third person will assist both of you to talk about it easily. When you made your vows – for richer or for poorer, through thick and thin- till death do us part… then this is the time to prove it.
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