Online Dating: Little Things That Matter

Does race matter?

Ethnically, there are almost no black men in Russia, Arabs and oriental men are more common. This makes mixed marriages rather rare. Something so different from the country of origin often causes women to be unsure of what to expect, therefore leading to resistance. So, if you are not of Caucasian origin, you might have to search a bit harder to find a woman who will not consider race an issue. In Ukraine, on the other hand, the situation is a bit different. There are many more blacks and arabs, and relationships with such men have become pretty common for Ukrainian ladies. They seem much more open to options of having a husband drastically different from them. Younger women are generally more flexible in matter of skin color and are more willing to make daring steps. Women after 25 are usually more conservative in such matters. This also makes relationship with parents more of a challenge - while older generation might not be racist in their views, many older people are opposed to mixed marriages. So, if you have found a Russian woman willing to marry a man regardless his race, make sure you discuss her parents' reaction to this as well, to avoid conflicts in future.

Does religion matter?

Primary religion in Russia and Ukraine is Russian Orthodox Christianity. Since these countries became independent, many other denominations have found their way into Russian people's lives. CIS countries in the East practice mulsim faith.

My observations show that while most women in Orthodox countries believe in God and have a certain level of faith, very few are truly religious - in a sense that to them religion becomes a primary issue in building a relationship. Generally, if they mention religion in communication with you, it means it matters; if not - they might be content with attending church a couple times a year and will not have any serious affiliation with it. If religion is an important issue for you, especially if you are looking for someone of a particular confession or have strong religious views of your own, you should definitely bring up this question in your correspondence and communication early on to avoid disappointments or misunderstandings as your relationship progresses.

Does location matter?

While many Russian women want to live abroad, it does not mean they will be willing to live anywhere. Most Russian women prefer living in the city, as opposed to a rural area. It has been a tendency in the US to move away from big cities to smaller towns and suburb areas; however, to most Russian women living away from the city means being stuck in the middle of nowhere and feeling isolated. This is largely due to their perception of how Russian villages and suburbs are: there usually are no accommodations, such areas are very remote, and difficult to get to and live in. If you live in a suburb area, you will need to clarify that it is not the middle of wilderness: explain to your Russian lady what is available close to where you live (stores, restaurants, etc); make her understand that having a vehicle makes it convenient to travel wherever one needs - most people in Russia do not own cars, and see this more of a luxury than means for convenient living; describe to her what accommodations your living quarters have (internet, phone, commodities, amenities, etc). In other words, make her understand that she will be living in a civilized place, and not a wooden house without running water, as can sometimes happen in Russian villages. However, sometimes the matter can simply be with women's preferences: many of them who grew up in the city may simply not be willing to change the lifestyle they are used to for something different.

Do bad habits matter?

Of course, there is no single answer, as such preferences are usually strictly individual. However, drinking is an extremely common problem in Russia and some CIS countries, so you are more likely to get a negative reaction to this habit than to smoking or something else. If you do mention that you drink, explain how frequent/intensive this is: if it is just a few social drinks once in a while, a beer every evening, etc. Do not hide this information, as it can prove to be hurting in the long run, and certainly do not suggest otherwise if you are not willing to change your habits for a woman you plan to marry. Smoking is less likely to cause a negative reaction, as many people in former USSR smoke (including women). In the recent years, the rate smoking among women has increased drastically. So, if you smoke or drink, make sure that you include this information in your profile and/or mention it in your correspondence early on; if such issues are important to you, make sure that you discuss them with women you write to early in correspondence as well to avoid any misunderstandings or problems in future.

Whatever questions you might have about what your woman finds acceptable/unacceptable, or regarding what you are looking in a woman - remember, communication is the only key to solving such matters. Hiding, waiting, or hoping such issues will come up and get solved on their own is not going to yield any good results; be open, but tactful, and you will save yourself and others a lot of time to be able to find the person, who is right for you.