Are You Caring or Caretaking?

Caring = giving to another from love, for the joy of it - as a free gift

Caretaking = giving to get love, giving with an agenda attached, giving yourself up

Even though the actions of caring and the actions of caretaking might look exactly the same, the intention is totally different, so the energy of the actions is also completely different.

Sandy is a caretaker. She is constantly doing things for others - sometimes because they ask her to and other times because she believes that is what they want and expect. The problem is that Sandy often abandons herself to give to others, and then expects others to give back to her and fill the emptiness within her caused by her self-abandonment. She ignores her own feelings and uses giving to others as an addiction to avoid responsibility for herself. She uses her caretaking as a form of control to try to get others to like and value her, rather than learning to like and value herself.

While others may like what Sandy gives to them, they rarely give back to her in the way she hopes for, so Sandy generally ends up feeling invisible, unappreciated, disappointed and drained, and often angry as well.

The energy of Sandy's giving often doesn’t feel good to others, as they feel pulled on and obligated to give back.

Monica, on the other hand, has learned through her Inner Bonding® process to connect with her personal source of spiritual Guidance, which enables her to define her own worth so that she isn't needy of others' attention and approval. She knows how to fill herself with love and to take 100% responsibility for her own feelings. Before giving to others, she checks in with herself to see if this is something she really wants to do, so that when she gives, it is for the joy of it. Her caring is a free gift - there are no strings attached. She has no expectations about how the other person "should" respond.

The energy of Monica's giving feels wonderful - a breath of fresh air that warms the heart and fills the soul.

While Sandy and Monica may do exactly the same thing - for example cook a lovely meal for their partner - the energy of it is totally different because the intent is totally different.

When a husband gives his wife flowers to get something - approval, sex, attention - his wife can feel the strings attached and would have rather not received the flowers. She may give him a half-smile, but inside she may be feeling shut down or resistant, since she feels the flowers are a form of control. There is no love in the act of giving flowers when the intent is to get something.

When a husband gives his wife flowers because, on his way home from work, his heart fills with love for his wife and he wants to express it in a way that he knows she appreciates, his wife will love getting the flowers.

So, while the act of giving the flowers is exactly the same, the intent behind the gift is totally different. We cannot hide our intent, as it is betrayed in our energy. There is a world of difference between the energy of giving to get, and the energy of giving for the joy of it.

This often creates significant confusion between two people. When a person is unconsciously giving with an agenda attached, and the other person is unconsciously responding with some resistance, the giver may feel rejected and the receiver may feel shamed at his or her own lack of appreciation or responsiveness. Only when both people understand intent, and the huge difference between the intent to control vs. the intent to love, can they untangle the interaction.

When Dating is the only thing in a Couples Mind

There are times when dating is the only thing in the life of a couple who have been in a relationship for a long time. If you can recall your relationship clearly, it was dating which made you into a people in a relationship as you graduated into a marriage or a come we stay arrangement. It is the best thing which will undoubtedly change the way you look at life and you of all people will not fail to ascertain which part of life you need to perfect in your dating affairs to make your relationship stand for ever. There is nothing that beats a relationship which you can have for the rest of your life, and it is something you need to decipher.

You will have a great surprise if you fail to recognize how dating will change your life. It is something you need and the things required all the way will undoubtedly change the manner of your relationship. Dating is the perfect way to make all that you have wanted to tell your partner to come out fine, as you make a point of what really makes you tick as a human. There are many issues and for a couple, the most important fact is that love wanes if it is not cultivated, and you will undoubtedly be heading in the wrong direction if at all the things you have been enjoying don’t mean anything to you. It is very important to know that you have your life to change and your relationship to measure and weigh if it is worth it.

The way in which you make your life make sense to you will change the way in which dating is effective. there are many issues which will make you have what it takes in your life and even change the emotional attachment you require in your life, to a point where you are the one who can change your life or doom it. It is very hard to lose your mark in dating and you will not be who you are if at all you are losing the tinge of your relationship as dating instances are less everyday. It is something you need to be aware of, since the things you see in life and the requirements of your relationships are held up at the bottom of your character.

It is something you should not forget, and you must make sure that you have not left your relationship at the mercy of life. If you do you will lose something that you have worked for all your entire adult times. It is very important to know that what you are doing today have an impact on the things you do tomorrow, to the effect that you are who you are and no one can change that. It is very important to let dating take care of your relationship, so that if anything goes wrong in your dating life you will be able to change without a great transition in your relationship and dating instances.